George Stahl

Hey! How about that drive through the canyon. Isn’t it the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen? The river is flowing, the trees are full and green, and the wild flowers are covering both sides of the road. Sometimes if the sun hits the hills just right it even looks like a painting with perfect color hues and precise brush strokes. For me it is relaxing and gives me time to think. I have forty-five minutes each way every day to get from my driveway to my office in Bakersfield and then back home. Those are precious minutes that I try not to let anything interrupt.

There is the occasional driver who seems to be more anxious to get to work than I am, so I use the turnouts liberally. That’s okay. When one gets on my…trunk I simply move over and wait for the sound of the double honk, kind of a “thank you, have a nice day” thing. I reasonably expect the same response from the car or truck in front of me as I approach him…. gently. Sometimes, when the slow moving car meandering in front of me passes by the third turn out, a Mr. Hyde type of personality emerges from inside me. Any of you every feel that? Maybe not. Maybe you are more like a friend of mine who said, “You shouldn’t let that get to you. The person in the other car might be intimidated by the drive. You should have patients and even pray for him.” Yeah, pray that he wake up and turn off….like I did.

Instead, I remember some of my favorite movies. One in particular, “Bond, James Bond.” From out of nowhere my gear shifter thing becomes a joy sick, and the release button on the side is the trigger.

Oh please, like you never thought of that! There is an implant in my windshield that acts as a scope and I take aim, usually at his license plate, or a rear tire, and push the trigger. A small non-lethal missile launches from the grill of my car and disables the slower target, err….car, causing the driver to peacefully pull off the road. Come on, you didn’t think that I wanted to annialate him, did you. Man, you are more twisted than I am. No, I just want to help him overcome his intimidation, a prayer of sorts I guess. As I pass him, I acknowledge his conscientiuosness and double honk. Soon I return to that tranquil place and the drive is peaceful again. It gets me to the mouth of the canyon and neither one us are the worse for wear.

That makes me wonder though, how many of you have had your sights on my plates or rear tires. Wow, I guess that could have happened once or twice. I will admit that on some mornings I am paying more attention to the amazing scenes around me than to the car behind me. Sorry for that. In that light, I suppose I can’t really blame the driver I just coaxed into the turn off.

Enjoy your drive through the canyon any way you can think of. Just be sure to be courteous, compassionate, and above all, please be safe. Remember our families and friends drive it too.

Contact George at stahl_george@yahoo.com